Comparison is the thief of joy. –Franklin Delano Roosevelt
I have the great privilege of working with clients from all sorts of unique backgrounds. Variety keeps the conversations interesting and I am always curious how people arrive at various stations on their journey through life. Some are extremely successful while others are still in the early stages of fulfilling their promise. Recently, I was speaking with one client who is very much in the former category.
Somehow, with a net worth starting with a b, he has remained humble and down to earth. Sure, he rolls in circles I can’t possibly imagine, but he is very thankful for his station in life, and generous with his time and treasure. In a conversation with him last week, I learned he had recently joined a yacht club. Pretty cool! I asked him about his boat and the other members of the club.
“It’s a lot of fun and I like the members. But these people have big time money. I had no idea about the unwritten rules of this yacht club.”
Big time money? He was certainly not small time. And what were these unwritten rules? Was he going to wax poetic about some secret inside handshake of the rich and famous?
“I bought a modest 80-foot boat (okay, I realize that sounds a little ridiculous), but you are not taken seriously in this crowd unless your yacht is at LEAST 100 feet long. They make fun of me all the time!”
He shook his head and laughed. Then he gathered himself, paused, and smiled again.
“They think my 80-foot yacht is a dinghy!”
This concept seems preposterous for those of us struggling to pay our mortgage. But after another good laugh, it suddenly hit me. There will always be someone with a bigger boat, house, car, or bank account. There will always be someone faster, stronger, better looking or more confident. Everything in life is relative. If we try to measure up against someone else, we will usually fall short in our minds. So we all need a different measuring stick for success and happiness.
The Slippery Slope of Comparison
It is both right and necessary to have financial goals and dreams. Hard work, crisp planning, and brilliant execution can help us down the path and allow us to achieve our ambitions. And once there, we should never feel guilty about our success and whatever spoils come our way. But we have to check ourselves along the way, as the sneaky tentacles of comparison can derail our priorities.
Our goals should be tied to taking care of our friends and family. If we find joy and love in our current house, we can’t stew over the new addition on our neighbor’s home. If our car is safe and reliable, we can’t bristle at our co-worker’s luxury SUV. If we earn a small promotion, we can’t be jealous of our friend’s massive raise. We need to measure up against our own standards of success. And how that success translates to the security and happiness of our friends and family. Once we start down the slippery slope of comparison, we lose sight of why we were competing in the first place!
Resilience is a Team Sport
This ability to shift our perspective away from negative comparison is critical. Why? First, we will rarely, if ever, feel satisfied with how we measure up. It is a losing proposition. But more importantly, maintaining our focus on the happiness of our friends and family keeps our priorities in line. With this as our primary focal point, we can revel with them and have someone to share the good times. And in bad times, we will have their love, support, and guidance to keep us positive and resilient.
Resilience is a team sport. We can’t do it alone. It doesn’t come from the outside. It doesn’t come from chasing down some imaginary idea of success. It comes from within. It comes from the people we care about most. It comes from battling through the ups and downs with those who will always be in our corner.
Be happy with what you have and take care of those closest to you. Don’t worry about keeping up with the Joneses. Because no matter how successful you become, there will be someone who thinks your 80-foot yacht is a dinghy!