I’ll be there, waiting for you, ’cause you can’t make old friends. –Kenny Rogers

Tradition.  Classic stories.  Good times.  There is something simplistic and yet oddly magical about connecting with old friends and rekindling a common bond and history.  Such was the case this weekend as a group of us reminisced about old times and created new memories, in honor of our fallen friend, Dave Flynn.  Nothing fancy.  Nothing over-emotional or dramatic.  Just spending time together without distraction.  Good for the soul.

There is nothing more important than family.  It is the bedrock of our lives and should be our number one priority.  A solid foundation on the family front, built on love and sacrifice, pays dividends down the road and set us up for a successful and resilient life.   But there are cracks in even the strongest foundations.  And old friends provide an epoxy to seal and strengthen those fissures.

 There is No Judgment

And that sealant is built by surrounding ourselves with people who understand our past, believe in our future and accept us just the way we are.  We may lose our wallet.  Spray the ball into the lake.  Or fall down.  That’s okay.  Old friends are there to pick us up.  With so much second-guessing and micromanagement in this world, we all deserve a place to relax in a safe environment untethered from the white-hot spotlight of judgment.

But that doesn’t mean old friends turn a blind eye to trouble.  The ancient Greek philosopher Plutarch put it best:

“I don’t need a friend who changes when I change, and nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.”

Judgment is one thing.  But old friends are not afraid to call each other out when someone close is going down a bad path.  Old friends do this from a place of care and concern.  It’s not okay to say everything is okay when things are not okay.

And finally, these old friends aren’t always defined by number of years as acquaintances.  We can know someone for years without forming the bond of an old friend.  Conversely, sometimes we are thrown into stressful situations where trusted friends quickly turn into new diamonds under pressure.  Sometimes, we simply connect right out of the gates and the friendship is future-facing.  Old friends come into our lives in many ways.

Resilience is a Team Sport

So what do old friends have to do with resilience?  In times of stress, chaos, disappointment and heartache, these old friends will be there for us.  They will have our back.  When everything else is falling apart, they will provide the grounding we need to keep moving forward.  It may happen in subtle ways.  It’s not always about a fire and brimstone speech or a cathartic moment.  Sometimes it’s just about being there.  Old friends run in when everyone else runs out.

We need to take a step back and cherish these old friends.  We need to nurture and appreciate the bonds.  We need to let them know how much they do for us.  And we need to be an old friend for others.  It is a two-way street.  Just as we go through challenging times, so too will a close friend or loved one.   The more we can foster a closed-loop system of support in difficult times, the more resilient the entire group will become.  Resilience is a team sport.  But it doesn’t have to a big team.  One or true friends can be the difference between collapse and triumph.

We can make our lives into anything we want.  We can make our dreams come true and climb every mountain.  But we have to realize that we can’t get there alone.  Some things can’t be replaced.  And we can’t make old friends.