It took me seventeen years to get to 3,000 hits in baseball.  I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. –Hank Aaron

Before exploring in earnest, I was warned that golf was a humbling sport.  Little did I realize that “humbling” was more akin to “humiliation”.  I had played some on my own, with mixed results, but was too self-conscious to play in a group.  But about eight years ago, I decided to dive into the deep end of the pool (or, lake)!

I didn’t have grand illusions of dominating the sport.  I just wanted to be able to get around the course without embarrassing myself.  So I booked semi-regular tee times and sought out a group of friends to help me in my quest for mediocrity!  Through the prism of time, I remember those beginning rounds as imperfect but tolerable.  Some good shots.  Some bad shots.  All in the great company of a good walk spoiled.  But my scores tell a different story.  

In recording a recent score in the golf handicap system, I decided to take a walk down memory lane to revisit some of my first entries.  I guess I had amnesia.  My first 20 recorded rounds were all (well) above 100, with several rounds north of 120!  The horror!  Well, at least I was good-natured about it and just having fun, right?

“You were a headcase,” one friend recalled. “Constantly muttering obscenities and beating yourself up.  No one could understand why you wanted to be out there.”

Hmmm.

Actually, it was a good question. But the better question was “Why would ANYONE want to play golf with me back then?”

And the answer is that family, true friends, and trusted colleagues aren’t afraid to travel the bumpy paths with us until the road smooths out.  They don’t judge.  And we simply can’t improve without the patience and encouragement of this inner circle.

We Need to Take a Long-Term View

In our work lives, we don’t always start off smoothly.  Our sales approach can be awkward or overbearing.  Our analytical skills can be sloppy or unrefined.  Our leadership skills can be altogether lacking as we struggle with confidence issues.  For many of us, the skills necessary to excel do not come naturally.  They come through repetition and hard work.  And they develop by making mistakes and learning not to make the same ones twice.

But what if our manager lacks patience? What if our colleagues turn a blind eye?  What if upper management moves on too quickly?  While not a pleasant process, we need to go through those difficult patches.  Struggle is the path to success.  But we need a support group that has a long-term view.  It is never too late to improve.  It is never too late to learn something new.  We just need a team that sees our potential and understands our best is yet to come.

It’s All About the Long Game

And the same is true in our personal lives.  Teenagers will make mistake after mistake. At times, it can be incredibly frustrating.    Friends can let us down, spouses can disappoint, and family can be distant in our times of need.  But maybe it’s time we recognize that everyone is going through a struggle.  Everyone is doing the best they can.  We just need to continue to show support and have faith in the long game!

Growth is a process. And our inner circle needs us to stick with them in the downtimes.  Just like we need them to stick with us.  It won’t be easy on either side.  There will be muttering and a loss of faith.  But if can weather the storm and learn from our mistakes, we will improve.  We will gain confidence.  And we will all have the opportunity to experience incredible joy and personal fulfillment in the long run.

Find the Right Group of People

My golf game today is just a shade below mediocre.  I’m not setting any records but I’m not (often) shooting in the triple digits.  And I’m having more fun playing now than ever.  I could have continued to struggle with golf on my own.  Maybe I would have gotten incrementally better.  Maybe.  But to truly improve, I needed people in my circle who didn’t judge and could tolerate my subpar play and negative attitude until I broke through.  Couldn’t we all use that type of support?

Resilience requires patience.  For ourselves.  For others.  And from the community.  None of us are born superstars.  But with enough understanding and support, anyone can turn their game around.  We just have to take action, embrace the difficult moments, and find the right group of people who will never judge us when we whiff!

Fore!