We are more sizzle than steak.

The world favors style over substance. 

Welcome to the “me” generation. 

Listening skills are dead.

Our society has lost all its values. 

We are living in a material world. And I am a material…nevermind!

There has been much discussion about the relentless self-focus of our culture.  The abandonment of empathy.  And our incessant fixation with material possessions.

Well, allow me to tell you a different story!

Say Yes to Substance

A young man from the Northeast was applying to prestigious boarding schools around the country.  He was a good athlete, a solid student and an all-around impressive kid.  The schools were falling over themselves hoping he would come their way.

Brett Graham, the Director of Admissions at Georgetown Preparatory School, spent a lot of time listening to the young man and his family.  Brett asked about his goals, his aspirations, and his dreams.   He wanted to fully understand what this prospective student wanted from his high school experience.

On the day the student had to make a decision, five boxes arrived from various boarding schools, filled with expensive gear.  Sweatshirts, hats, banners, blankets, water bottles.  Many of the schools emptied out their campus stores in the hopes of swaying this student.

But the young man focused on a plain card in an envelope.  It was from Brett Graham.  And it simply listed the young man’s goals, acknowledged that they were achievable, and offered words of encouragement about his future, no matter which school he was lucky enough to attend.

He stared at the card.  He absorbed the message.  The gear stayed in the boxes.  The student made the decision to attend Georgetown Prep.

It’s not always about the sizzle.  Sometimes it’s about the steak.  And substance still matters.

Sincerity and Care Go a Long Way

As salespeople, we may buy lavish gifts for our clients.  We may wine, dine, and offer them a multitude of amenities.  There is nothing wrong with that and our clients certainly deserve the best.  But are we listening to them?  Do we understand their goals and aspirations?  Are we communicating effectively?  Our clients want to know we care.  And if we want to keep them for the long haul, they need to see some substance.  Thoughtful feedback. Positive action beyond just asking for the business.  Genuine concern for their well-being.

As managers, the same is true of our employees.  Offering small gifts and incentives is crucial to retention.  It shows a certain level of appreciation.  But do we understand what type of support they need?  Do we have their back when they are suffering through a rough patch?  Do we relentlessly focus on their aspirations?  More than anything, employees want to know their leaders are in their corner.  A little substance and sincerity will go a long way.

We Can’t Do It Alone

The same principles apply in our personal lives.  Yes, we need to reward our children when they achieve certain goals.  Yes, (someone has suggested) it may be a good idea to buy gifts for our spouse or significant other to show our appreciation.  But that can’t be the sole basis for our relationships.

Our children want to know we care.  Our spouse or significant other wants to know we truly listen.  Our family wants to know we would run through a brick wall to ensure their safety.  Loyalty.  Empathy. Compassion.   These are the building blocks that sustain lasting relationships.  In the end, these are the virtues that cement long-term bonds.  Substance over sizzle every time!

It doesn’t take much.  A short, but heartfelt note.  A brief in-person conversation.  An outward display of loyalty.  These simple acts reveal our humanity.  These simple acts help us connect and forge bonds with our family, friends and co-workers.  Perhaps, most importantly, these simple acts will fuel the resilience in others.

Life is not always an easy journey.  We are all under some level of pressure and stress.  School, work, activities, financial burdens, health issues, relationship strain. How do we keep going and stay resilient?  Some of it comes from within.  But we can’t do it all alone.  We need the encouragement of others.  We need the empathy of others.  We need to know that our relationships are built on substance.

We All Have the Ability to Ignite Resilience

People will tell you that the millennials only care about themselves.  People will tell you that our society is too focused on the excess and material possessions.  People will tell you technology has replaced honest, in-person conversations.  There is a kernel of truth in all these statements.  But it doesn’t mean all hope is lost.  It doesn’t mean we should throw in the towel and accept this as the norm.

We all have the ability to show empathy, concern and compassion.  We all have the ability to conduct meaningful conversations. We all have the ability to demonstrate loyalty in difficult moments.  We all have the ability to ignite the resilience in our own community. 

Just ask Brett Graham and the student who chose to attend Georgetown Prep.

Substance still matters!