It had been a hot minute since I was at a high school lacrosse game for one of my kids. I had forgotten the level of preparation and practice required to get up to speed for the season. And so I found myself at a local high school outside Washington, DC, bracing for a series of short scrimmages to kick off the season for my daughter. These were very “unofficial” games, with a 30-minute running clock and no one keeping score. The ultimate tune-up!
So as I sat there in the driving, freezing-cold rain (gotta love “Spring” sports!), a buddy of mine joined and inquired about the score.
“It’s been 0-0 for a while. What’s the deal?”
“Oh, they’re not keeping score today.”
My buddy shook his head and pondered that concept. Then waxed philosophical as he stared out onto the soggy horizon.
“Somebody, somewhere, is keeping score!”
And perhaps no truer words have ever been spoken.
Not All Metrics Are Created Equal
In our work lives, we are constantly measured by a scoreboard. Winning and losing are defined by metrics and milestones. As it should be. It’s nearly impossible to manage if we can’t measure! How many meetings have we set up? How many deals have we closed? How many hours have we billed? How well did our students do on a test? How successful is our team? Oftentimes, the scoreboard is explicit and we know exactly where we stand. If we are losing, we have to double down on our effort, re-think our strategy, and dig deep to turn around our performance. If we are winning, we have to grind even harder to ensure we don’t coast and squander all the work we have put into reaching the top of the mountain.
But there is another scoreboard which is less obvious and harder to measure. How have we impacted office culture? How many people have we mentored? How many people have we inspired and positively influenced? This measurement isn’t displayed in big neon lights. Oftentimes, it won’t even be mentioned in a routine review. But somebody, somewhere should be keeping score. This type of impact often spells the difference between victory and defeat!
We Need to Understand the Score
In our personal lives, there may be a scoreboard that others are tracking. How much money do we have? How big is our house? How big is our network? How successful are our children? We should strive for all kinds of success. That is all part of life and security and comfort for our family and friends are paramount. But we have to be careful about solely focusing our lives on this scoreboard. If we are not careful, it can lead to self-focus and obsession. And that defeats the purpose of striving to win the game!
Rather, we need to focus on the less obvious scoreboards. Our inner circle of family and friends may not wear their internal scoreboard on their sleeves. It could feel like 0-0 on the outside. But we have to be diligent about checking in. Are they truly happy? Is there something blocking their path to success and fulfillment? Are they held down by pain and regret? It will take empathy and awareness, but we have to uncover the true score of the game. If someone in our lives is losing, we need to know before the game clock ticks down to ZERO!
Competition and Empathy
Resilience starts with understanding the score to our own game. How can we bounce back if we don’t know how far we need to bounce? And the same is true for the scoreboards of those we love and cherish. We need to investigate! We need to ask questions. We need to understand what it will take to help them achieve victory!
Life is a competition. But that competition doesn’t have to be adversarial. We can work hard to win and help as many people we care about experience that same glorious feeling of success.
Somebody, somewhere is always keeping score. And that is a good thing.