Avoiding the Crab Mentality

In order to lead a resilient life, we must summon the courage to shake the crab mentality.  This refers to crabs in a pot of boiling water that constantly pull one another back down in a pointless “king of the hill” competition.  As soon as one crab is about to escape, another drags him back down to the bottom of the pot.  Instead of helping each other out, this mentality ensures the collective demise of the group.  Essentially, it is the ultimate manifestation of the “If I can’t have it, neither can you” philosophy.  That can only lead to destruction and flies in the face of our nation of resilient workers!

In our work life, how often do we root for another to succeed?  Do we appreciate it when a fellow salesperson brings in a big deal or do we try to belittle their accomplishment?  Do we try to help a new team member get up to speed as quickly as possible or do we angle to impede his or her progress?  As managers, do we foster the collective success of our team or do we sabotage those team members who can possibly take our job?  Do we encourage free thinking or do we take credit for a team member’s idea just to keep them at the bottom of the pot?  The most dynamic work cultures encourage the success of the team by promoting and genuinely rooting for the individuals to succeed.  There is no tolerance for the crab mentality even it means letting one get out of the pot.  Instead of forcing a successful member to stay, a positive work culture encourages growth and views a promotion (both internal and external) as the ultimate form of flattery.

In our personal life, are we happy when someone buys a larger house or do we find a way to turn a positive into a negative? (“Do they really need that much space?”)  Are we happy when a friend finally finds a suitable partner or do we nitpick about the shortcomings of their new spouse?  Are we supportive when a member of our inner circle achieves financial freedom or do we question the legitimacy of their success? (“Yeah, they make a lot of money but that is such unfulfilling work!”).  Belittling their success only serves as a roadblock to your own development and happiness. Instead of pulling them down to the bottom of the pot, be happy for their accomplishments.  Let it serve as motivation for your own future success.  Someone else has blazed a path to glory.  Now you know it is possible.  If they can do it, so can you!

But this crab mentality is especially damaging when we suffer a setback in our life.  During these difficult times, the success of others exacerbates our own undesirable situation. Misery and jealously violently collide and we want everyone to feel our pain.  This creates a vicious circle of despair and self-loathing.  It becomes much more difficult to move forward toward resiliency if we are looking for fault and failure in everything around us.  Ironically, celebrating the accomplishments of others, especially those in our inner circle, can help pull us out of the boiling pot!  Instead of the “if I can’t have it, neither can you” philosophy, celebrate the “if I can’t have it, I’m glad someone I care about can” philosophy.  That healthy and natural mindset will allow you to move forward with your own shortcomings and setbacks.  It will create a healthier, more vibrant team at work.  It will create a more loving environment in your personal life.  It will allow you escape the boiling pot of negative thinking and move forward toward personal freedom.

“Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” –Mark Twain

A pot of boiling crabs does not have to be a metaphor for your life.  Focus on your own journey to success and happiness.   When you get there, realize that others may still be suffering.  Reach back down and lend them a helping hand (or claw!).  Some will still try to pull you back down into the boiling pot.  Do not pay attention to them.  You will be too busy celebrating the accomplishments of others.  You will be too busy inspiring others to succeed.  You will be too busy leading the resilient and healthy lifestyle you were destined to live!

Until next week, keep smiling!