“I always wanted to be somebody.   But now I realize I should have been more specific.” –Steven Wright

St. Patrick’s Day in Savannah, GA is an experience unlike any other.  Great live music.  Delicious food.  Outrageous costumes.  All night parties.  And an abundance of (green) beer. On March 17, 1995, I descended upon The Hostess City with a couple of college buddies looking to check off another bucket list item.  And Savannah did not disappoint!

On our third night of revelry, we worked our way into the central square and stumbled upon what was surely the greatest live rock-n-roll cover band of all time.  Tom Petty.  Hootie and the Blowfish.  Rolling Stones.  The hits kept on rolling.  But there was only one song that would satisfy our crowd: “Can’t Ya See” by The Marshall Tucker Band.

It had become our college fight song, blaring in the dormitory hallways and across the quad at every significant party over our four years.  And nothing would stop us from hearing “Can’t Ya See” on this glorious evening.  After our shouted requests from the back went unnoticed, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I knifed my way to the front of the crowd, hoisted myself up on the stage and pulled out a crisp Jackson from my wallet.

Staring directly at the lead singer and dropping the $20 bill dramatically into the tip jar, I screamed:

“Play Marshall Tucker Band!”

The lead singer winked acknowledgement before I was gently removed the stage.

On the next song, we got sweet recognition.

“This one goes out to the wild men in the back.  It’s time for a little Marshall Tucker Band!”

We couldn’t contain ourselves as we hooted and hollered our approval.  And then the band broke into a rousing rendition of The Marshall Tucker Band’s…”Heard it in a Love Song”.

What the (expletive deleted)?

In my exuberance, I failed to communicate properly.  The lead singer wanted to accommodate my request, but he couldn’t read my mind.  He had no idea that we wanted to hear a specific Marshall Tucker song. Doh!

And that same lack of communication and specificity can hinder our resilience in our work and personal lives.

We Need to Be Specific 

At some point, we all lack something in our lives.  There is something we need.  There is something we are missing.  And we have people who will move mountains to ensure we are happy.  But they can’t know exactly what is in our heads.  The first step is to ask for help.  Share our feelings.  Tell people what we want.  That is the hardest step.  But it is not enough.  We have to be specific and prescriptive.

If we are dissatisfied in a job, we not only have to have a speak with our manager, we have to communicate exactly what will make things better.  If our company needs money for expansion, our financial backers need to know exactly how much.  If we have suggestions on how to improve company culture, raising the issue is not enough.  We need to communicate exactly what we feel will improve morale.  We may not always get what we need, but it is important to put ourselves in the best position to succeed.

Our thoughts, ideas, and suggestions can make all the difference.  But even in the most empathetic environment, unless we are specific and prescriptive, they may get lost in the shuffle.

Make It Easy to Get Help

And this is even more important in our personal lives.  Relationships live and die with communication.  But it’s not enough to express dissatisfaction.  Mind reading is a lost art form for a reason.  We need to express exactly what is missing or what could improve.  If we are feeling anxious or out of sorts, raising our hands and sharing our concerns with a loved one is a huge step.  But expressing the root cause of this anxiety can help our loved ones help us!

We may think that people should intuitively know exactly what is wrong.  That we shouldn’t have to spell it it out in black and white.  But why?  Even when people want to help us, we need to make it as easy as possible to get the help we actually need.  There is no downside to being clear and specific!

Our Inner Circle Will Always Be There For Us

We have the ability to impact our own resilience.  And it starts with clear communication and and straightforward requests to those who will always have our back.  Of course, that is not a panacea.  Even when we are clear and straightforward, things still don’t always go our way.  But it gives us a fighting chance.  We can’t just  leave it up to fate.

It takes a village to get back on top after a setback.  We need to support each other.  But in order to do that, we need to ask for help and be very specific.  That is what resilience is all about.  Can’t Ya See?