Golf is the closest game to the game of life.  We get bad breaks from good shots and we get good breaks from bad shots.  But we have to play the ball where it lies. –Bobby Jones

Old friends. A beautiful day.  A beautiful course.  A glorious round of golf.  Tough to beat.

I reunited with a close group of college buddies last weekend down in the Land of the Pines.  As many years as we had been friends, the four of us had never played a round of golf together.  We made a pact to change that on Saturday. It was a picture-perfect North Carolina Fall day without a cloud in the sky and the course was in perfect shape.  The four of us teed off and started our march toward glory.

The day did not disappoint.  13,000 steps of reminiscing, laughing and creating new memories.  But the actual golf portion was less than ideal.  Bad chunks.  A lot of beach time.  And several watery graves.  And the course was set up with pin placements designed for a Masters Sunday.  So there were a lot of “near misses” and “woulda, coulda shoulda” shots as well.

At the end of the round, we sat in the Adirondack chairs, some with a cold libation in hand, and recounted the day.  As we added up the (not so low) scores, we overwhelmingly focused on the bad breaks throughout the round.

“If I had used a putter on the 15th hole, instead of trying to chip, I could have birdied (instead of double-bogeying)”.

“If my approach shot on the 10th hole was three inches further, I would have been on the green in regulation and possibly birdied (instead of double-bogeying)”.

“If I had played it safe off the tee on the 7th hole with my 3-wood, instead of pulling out my driver, I could have avoided the water and my double-bogey.”

Are you sensing a pattern (in addition to the double-bogeys)?!  Of course, it is a natural tendency in the game of golf to lament the shots we barely missed.  But how many times do we cherish the shots that had no business being on the green?  The skulled shot that skipped across the water and landed dry?  The slice that should have rolled into the water but was blocked by a large branch?  The putt that would have rolled off the green but mercifully found the lip and curled in?  In fact, the ONLY birdie of the day (yes, four decent golfers and only one birdie for the day) came off a BADLY shanked drive that took a miracle bounce off a tree and somehow landed safely in the fairway.  Nobody talked about the birdie that woulda, coulda, shoulda been a double-bogey!

And don’t we too often take the same approach in our work and personal lives?

Focus on the Miracles

In our work lives, we tend to lament what could have been.  If the pandemic had not hit, I would have made that sale.  If the market hadn’t turned, I would have won that client.  If the economy had held on for one more month, I could have sold my business for a huge multiple.  Timing is not always on our side.  There are many factors that impact business and transactions.  And we tend to focus on the shots that carom into the water.

But for every lost sale is a “bluebird” that comes unexpectedly and without our influence.  For every lost client in this volatile atmosphere is a prospect that we wouldn’t have landed in a stable market.  For every lost business sale is an opportunity to find the “right” buyer in the future.  By focusing on the ones that we had no business winning, the miracles, we will be much better suited to deal with the losses.

We Can’t Take Our Wins For Granted

And the same is true in our personal lives.  If I hadn’t invested in that dud, I would have a nice nest egg right now.  If I had taken that advice, I wouldn’t have lost that relationship.  If that ball was one inch closer to the goal, I could have scored the game-winner.  But how many times do we celebrate the investments that pay huge dividends?  How often do we cherish our relationships that have survived the rocky times?  How often do reflect on how lucky we were to sneak that previous goal just inside the post?

We have so much going for us that we take for granted.  It’s time to focus on the miracle makes and not the near misses!

Appreciation Breeds Resilience

When we are going through tough times, we tend to magnify our lost opportunities.  We tend to identify a negative pattern.  But resilience requires the opposite.  If we are to stay resilient and stay active in downtimes, we need to shift our perspective to appreciation.  We have a roof over our heads and people who love us.  We must have gotten some good bounces in life.

Recognizing the blessings in our life strengthens our resilience.  For every shot that just misses the green and rolls into the trap, we get a miracle carom off the tree into the middle of the fairway.  Let’s focus on those miracle birdies.