Senior Beach Week for the Class of 2019 is now officially in the books!  Hundreds of high school seniors descended upon Corolla, North Carolina primed for one last opportunity to revel in the glory days of youth.  It is a special time to bond for the teenagers.

And for the parents, it is a time full of trepidation and cautious optimism. Please let my son or daughter survive this week!  But despite all the worry and appropriate concern, one theme emerged from my short time of chaperoning my son and a group of his friends last week.  These kids haven’t changed a bit since my time in high school.  And that is a good thing!

Respectful, sarcastic, hilarious, serious, sincere at times, slightly out there at other times.  Always a joy to be around.  At the root of all their activity and discussion was a strong desire to be around each other and to soak in every moment.   There was  a palpable sense of appreciation for this special times in their lives!

But that didn’t stop the occasional argument from flaring up.  Very serious topics such as who is the best pro basketball player or who is the best musician prompted some heated debate. Inevitably, the disagreement would escalate and it was clear there was no turning back.  At that moment, you would hear five words laid down like a gauntlet:

Meet me at the net!

There was a glorious beach volleyball court in the backyard of the house.  Whenever an argument spilled out of control, the two involved parties would meet on opposite sides of the volleyball net.  A non-biased third-party would throw the ball up in the middle, and each player would try to spike the ball onto the other side of the net.  One-on-one to eleven to settle the argument once and for all.  And then each party would shake hands and move on.  

And isn’t that the way we should settle our own petty arguments in our work and personal lives?

We Can’t Let Disagreements Hold Us Back

In our work lives, we run into arguments and disagreements all the time.  We all have ideas and input and we all want to be heard.  I know we can run this business more efficiently.   How was he or she promoted over me?  Why are we focused more on shareholders than our own people?  Stop trying to steal my clients!  We need to deal with these issues directly.

I’m not suggesting we challenge our CEO or our co-workers to a spike contest.  But our input and grievances are best handled in one-on one discussions with the appropriate parties.  Shadow conversations and whispering at the water cooler does not solve our issues.   Avoidance and suppression will only lead to more bitterness.  Our disagreements and arguments can hold us back (and hold our company back!) if we do not take them to the net!

We have to find a way to settle them in a direct and productive way.  And then, regardless of the result, we have to move on.

We Need to Be Direct

The same is true in our personal lives.  Deep-seated family issues can fester if we don’t address the root cause.  Inconsequential arguments between friends can escalate exponentially if we don’t nip them directly.  Disagreements between spouses can eat away at the relationship if we constantly smooth them over.

Ignoring our feelings won’t bring closure.  Complaining about the other person won’t solve the argument.  Getting others involved rarely bridges the gap.  We need to be direct.  We need to settle our grievances in person.  We can’t be afraid of a healthy confrontation.  We must demand to meet at the net more often!

And then we need to accept the consequences and move on.

Healthy Confrontation Breeds Resilience

When we settle our arguments and disagreements in a healthy way, our ability to stay resilient increases.  We no longer foster ill-will and resentment.  We no longer live in a bitter world.  So when adversity comes our way, we have more tolerance and energy to deal with the consequences head on.  And we have  a greater capacity for optimism to move on in a positive direction.

But dealing with our arguments and disagreements directly and in a healthy way does not come easy.  Subversion and avoidance are powerful adversaries to resilience.  We must understand that direct confrontation does not have to be destructive.  It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable.  And it will allow everyone to air their grievances and move on.

Take it from a group of teenagers at Beach Week, sometimes you have to be direct.

“Meet me at the net!”