I have had issues mastering technology in the past, and that blind spot reared its ugly head earlier this year. On a glorious Saturday in the summer, I was in charge of booking two tee times for morning golf out in the country. I decided to use the app on my phone (rather than call in) in order to save time. And while I never got an official confirmation, I assumed we were good to go. Doh!
Two people cancelled that morning, so the six of us showed up to the course ready to rock. But when I went to check in, the starter had never heard of us. There was some glitch (likely user error!) in the app and most of the tee times were already taken. Fortunately, he was able to find room for one foursome, and me and another buddy volunteered to make alternate plans. Undeterred, we found another local course with availability and, within an hour, we were paired with two random golfers and swinging away. It was going to be the greatest day of our lives!
One of the other golfers was not having as much fun as us, struggling on just about every shot. His golf cart partner (“cartner!”) was well-intentioned, offering advice and encouragement after each wayward drive. But after 4 holes, the frustrated golfer had had enough. He stopped responding to the pep talks entirely. And his buddy was perplexed.
“What can I do to make you feel better?”
The struggling golfer thought about it for a moment and then dead panned.
“I’ll be fine. Just let me sulk for a bit.”
It was a hilarious icebreaker in the moment. But it was also a great reminder that none of us are perfect. We all have bad days. And it is okay to seek shelter and lick our wounds when things are not going our way.
Give a Little Space
Life is not always easy. We face a multitude of roadblocks in our everyday lives. There can be major challenges such as poor health, financial chaos, fractured relationships, or a crisis in faith. Or minor hiccups such as a poor performance, hurt feelings or even a bad day on the golf course! Either way, we are not always able to shake it off. No inspiring slogans, pep talks or comforting words will reach us in the moment. Our healthy perspective is temporarily stunted and all we want to do is sulk and stew in the turmoil.
We never want to see our friends or loved ones in this state of misery. We want to help them with the pain. We want to make everything immediately go away. It can be as stressful for us as it is for them! But sometimes, people need their space. Sometimes, people need to wallow in the mess so they can make sense of a jarring situation. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is allow our loved ones the time they need to retreat into their shell so they can live to fight another day.
We Can’t Bury Our Heads in the Sand
We don’t always have to keep a stiff upper lip. Blindly pretending everything is okay is not the best answer. There are situations that understandably knock us off our feet and the healthiest thing we can do is show some self-compassion and acknowledge that we are in a difficult spot. In those moments, it is okay to sulk. For a short time.
Resilience never travels in a straight line. We don’t always immediately bounce back after facing a setback. But the longer we stay down, the less resilient we become. Once we address the pain, we have to recognize that life can move forward. We have to start looking for the positives and seeking advice and love from those in our inner circle. With help, we can recover from our initial stumble, and recognize that our setbacks are not catastrophic. Our healthy perspective will return. And that will give us the strength and confidence to bounce back quicker the next time we face a setback.
Golf is Life
Golf then becomes a metaphor for life. The good shots can’t go on forever. Sometimes, we hit a rough patch and simply can’t get back on track. During those difficult times, it is okay to sulk and regroup. But only for a short period of time. Soon, we have to believe that things will get better. Soon, we have to recognize that people care about us and will always be there for us when we stumble. Soon, we have to realize that every bad shot presents an opportunity to bounce back quicker the next time. And we are only one shot away from happiness.
Life is not always going to go smoothly. But weathering these ups and downs with our good friends and family and moving forward is what life is all about. And if all else fails, just grab a bratwurst and a beer at the turn, and share a good laugh with your cartner.
Relax. Rough patches don’t last forever. We just have to keep swinging. Fore!