Almost exactly ten years ago, I had the opportunity to design and build (well, have someone else design and build) a screened porch and deck on the back of our house.  It had been a lifelong dream since I was a little kid.  I pictured outside bar-b-ques on the deck, lazy ceiling-fan-fueled naps on the porch, and endless family dinners and Happy Hours amidst the trees.  Let’s get started!

My wife allowed me to be the “general contractor” and I had final approval on all plans. I secured the builders through a referral from a friend and then lined up an architect to provide a professional design.  Admittedly, it wasn’t the most rigorous process for procurement, but I was anxious to get started before my wife changed her mind!

The first designs came in three weeks later and the layout looked glorious.  But there was a wrinkle.  On the back side of the screened porch was a narrow extension of the deck that lead to….nowhere.  It was essentially a gangplank without an exit.  It seemed strange and I asked the architect about it.

“That’s just a safety railing.  It will look good when it’s finished.”

Hmmm.  I still felt a little uneasy.  But the rest of the project looked great.  And, after all, he was the expert.  Let’s roll with it!

A few weeks later the project came to life.  I was beyond pleased with the result.  But there was one glitch.  The “gangplank to nowhere” turned out to be exactly what my gut told me. An utter waste of space and materials.  And the slight blunder continues to mock me after ten full years.

I sensed something was amiss.  My eyes didn’t lie. (And what the @!#% is a “safety railing”?!)  I neglected my instincts and trusted someone else because they were an “expert”.  And I wonder how often that happens over the course of our everyday lives?

We Can’t Ignore Our Gut

We have to respect authority.  And experience.  There is much we can learn from those who traveled the path before us.  But we cannot blindly accept advice and guidance and ignore our own instincts.  One person’s approach to a sales situation may work for them, but not for everyone.  One manager’s advice may be heartfelt, but if it makes us feel uncomfortable, it may not be right for us.  One investment firm may know the general market, but perhaps they underestimate our grit and tenacity.  One coach may have a system that works for others, but perhaps it is suffocating our game.  If we feel unsure, uneasy, or morally apprehensive about some advice, actions, or game plans, we need to pay extra careful attention. That feeling is grounded in some internal truth.  If we see something or hear something that seems off, we need to speak up!  At times, we need to push back.  Our gut is a powerful force and we should not suppress it!

There are experts in this world.  And they command our respect and attention for a reason.  But there are also people “faking it until they make it.”.  They may not be intentionally trying to cause us harm.  But they don’t have all the facts we do.  And they may not have our same moral compass.  Let’s give ourselves some credit.  Silence will get us nowhere.  If we see something, say something!

What’s Done is Done

But let’s face it, we will still make mistakes. We will ignore our instincts and take bad advice.  Or go down the wrong path.  Or align with people who do not have our best interests at heart.  We don’t always rise up in the moment.  And that is okay.  We can’t spend our lives dwelling on those mistakes.  Those moments are in the rearview mirror.   Resilience is all about learning from those situations and moving forward.

In my case, I was clearly off base. I knew the right answer and ignored my gut instinct.  But what’s done is done!  The structure is in place.  And while the “gangplank to nowhere” is a regret, our family has enjoyed countless celebrations, both large and small, on the outdoor entertainment center.  And it has been a major source of relaxation and bonding.  In the grand scheme of things, the wasted space is not a big deal.  Not everything will be perfect in life.

But my lack of awareness provides a good lesson to heed in the future.  Don’t be afraid to speak up.  Ask questions if some action or advice makes us feel uneasy.  Do not blindly march down a path that does not seem right.  Listen to that voice inside your head.  And if we see something (is amiss), say something!