I have a good buddy who, like many of my friends, has never met a golf course he didn’t want to play.
Back home, he has a regular group of guys who have been teeing it up together just about every week for more than 20 years.
These guys love their golf. They play all kinds of games, with all kinds of wagers, and the stakes are usually just high enough to make a missed three-footer sting a little more than it should.
Most are pretty good golfers, carrying relatively low handicaps. Except one. They call him “Strokes.”
Strokes has been part of this group for years. He enjoys the camaraderie, the competition, and presumably the occasional cold beverage afterward. But after all that golf, there’s one little problem. Strokes still carries a 27 handicap.
For those unfamiliar with golf, a 27 handicap means Strokes spends considerably more time exploring the course than the architect ever intended. And yet, year after year, there he is. Same guy. Same enthusiasm. Same 27 handicap.
Which brings us to a particularly competitive match.
The game was tight. Money and bragging rights were on the line. And on one relatively easy par four, Strokes was getting TWO strokes from his opponents. Naturally, this was the hole where Strokes suddenly decided to channel his inner Scottie Scheffler.
He put together a beautiful hole, made a five, and walked away with a NET BIRDIE. A winning score that left his opponents shaking their heads and reaching for their wallets.
My buddy was incredulous.
“After all these years, how could we STILL be giving Strokes so many strokes?”
It was a fair question. But his playing partner had an even better answer.
“Let me ask you something. When was the last time you saw Strokes on the driving range?”
“Uh, never.”
“When was the last time you saw Strokes on the putting green?”
“Uh, never.”
“When was the last time you saw Strokes over in the chipping area?”
“Uh, never.”
His partner smiled.
“Exactly. And THAT’S why we’re still giving Strokes so many strokes.”
Thus endeth the lesson!
The Little Things Prepare Us for the Big Things
Think about our professional lives. We can’t just show up and expect to execute the big sale, earn the promotion, deliver the successful presentation, or find the business breakthrough.
We need countless hours of preparation. We need to absorb disappointment. We need to listen to, rather than dismiss, the difficult feedback.
Those experiences aren’t obstacles on the way to success. They’re conduits to success.
Every time we persevere through frustration, honor a commitment, or push ourselves outside our comfort zone, we’re developing the mental muscles that help us navigate the next challenge.
That’s when those little habits become invaluable.
Relationships Are Part of Our Resilience Training
The same principle applies to our relationships.
Our spouses, children, family, and friends can become our greatest sources of strength when life gets difficult. But we need to practice the little things to ensure the bonds stay strong.
The uncomfortable conversations. The willingness to apologize. The patience to listen rather than immediately offer our brilliant advice.
It’s the everyday acts of kindness, forgiveness, patience, and simply showing up that build the trust we eventually lean on during difficult times.
Resilience Is Muscle Memory
We can experience the same frustrations, make the same mistakes, and confront the same challenges for years without fundamentally changing how we respond.
True personal growth requires reflection, intentional effort, and a willingness to change.
We have to practice handling disappointment without becoming defeated. Asking for help without feeling weak. Accepting setbacks without allowing them to define us.
Because resilience is about developing the confidence that, even in difficult times, we have the tools, relationships, and perspective to find our way forward.
God Bless Strokes!
Now, I don’t want to take anything away from Strokes. Quite the opposite. God bless the guy!
He shows up every week, enjoys a great game with his buddies, laughs at himself, and apparently has figured out how to get a bushel full of strokes after more than two decades of playing golf. I suspect he would be a glorious golf partner.
But when it comes to developing the resilience we need for life’s inevitable challenges, we should remember the lesson Strokes inadvertently taught us.
Showing up builds experience. Practicing with purpose builds strength. And learning from adversity builds resilience.
So enjoy the round. Appreciate your playing partners. Laugh at the occasional terrible shot.
But don’t forget to spend a little time on the driving range.
Because life doesn’t give us extra strokes when things get tough. It simply asks whether we’ve put in the work to handle the next shot.