This Saturday was the 100th Anniversary celebration of my grade school, Blessed Sacrament. And it was incredible to relive great memories and see so many old friends and nostalgic pictures. The stories all blend together and get exaggerated over time, but one thing is for certain. It was a very innocent and safe place to grow up as a child. And one such story summed up the idyllic nature of the era.
For the boys, physical competition was a huge part of our everyday lives. Tackle football at Shepherd Park. Baseball at Layfayette School. “Maul ball” in the parking lot. Dodgeball in the gym. Even when we were watching sports, we were playing some type of game on the side. And so it was on one crisp Autumn Friday night during the local high school rivalry between Good Counsel and Gonzaga.
As usual, we were traveling in a pack of about ten Blessed Sacrament boys, eager to see the game and have some fun. As a twelve-year-old kid, the high school players seemed massive, and the stage seemed even larger under the lights. Inspired by this atmosphere, we started an impromptu football game of our own just down the hill from the field. But another group of larger boys joined in and soon our “organized” game turned into a melee of roughhousing, fighting, and general chaos. It was clear these boys were up to no good and looking for trouble. They soon found it.
An older brother of one of our friends, Chris Carr, noticed we were getting bullied. An intimating presence (at the time!), he calmly strolled over in his flannel shirt and jeans, smoking a cigarette. We immediately retreated behind him and let him do the talking. It was a smart move.
“You guys messing with my friends?”
Silence.
Chris took a long drag on his cigarette and flicked it at the feet of the largest bully.
“I asked you a question!”
More silence. Even these Neanderthals knew it was a highly rhetorical question.
“If you punks come within 10 yards of any of these kids, I’ll rip your heads off!”
Subtle. But he meant it. And we never saw those knuckleheads again.
Feeling safe, we went back to our game and enjoyed the rest of the evening. And don’t we all seek that same level of safety and security in our everyday lives?
We Need People in Our Corner
In our work lives, we have to deal with a multitude of distractions and obstacles. Contentious negotiations. Difficult personalities. Competitive pressures and deadlines. Sometimes, it can feel unbearable. Sometimes, it feels like everything is stacked against us. But what allows us to go on? What allows us to stay resilient? If we are in an environment that feels safe and protected. If we feel as though someone has our back in every situation. If we feel as though we can take risks and not have to worry about failing. That will produce a culture that begets a highly successful team. That will produce the type of loyalty that breeds winners.
And the same is true in our personal lives. We need people in our corner. We need to be able to make a mistake without feeling threatened. We need to be surrounded by people who accept our faults without judgment. We can’t walk around on eggshells. Life is too short to be constantly looking over our shoulders. We need to gravitate toward authentic relationships. We need to feel comfortable in our skin.
Fueling Our Own Resilience
At some point, we are going to fail. We are going to encounter an overwhelming situation. We are going to get over our skis and feel the white-hot sting of pressure. We don’t live in a protected bubble. Our friendly football game will eventually get overrun by bullies! How do we move forward and get back on track? How do we find those people who will support and protect us in times of need? By demonstrating that same behavior in our work and personal lives.
We have to create that sense of trust in others. We have to be that safety net for our inner circle. We have to stand up and fight for a co-worker or loved one when we see an act of injustice. We have to stay empathetic and be mindful of those struggling in our immediate community. That will allow others to move forward and build an atmosphere of security and safety. And that active and intentional behavior will fuel our own resilience!
After a weekend of reminiscing and reflecting, I now understand the importance of those formative grade school years. There will always be dangers in this world. We can’t ignore them or live in denial. But with the right support, everything will be okay. We just need to feel some level of protection. We just need to find a safe place.