Light a lamp for someone and it will brighten your own path. –Ancient Proverb

My daughter briefly came home from the University of Maryland last week and it was great, as always, to catch up and re-connect.  It was a quick visit and I drove her back early the next morning.   The campus in College Park is only 20 minutes from our house but sometimes it can feel like a world away.  After dropping her off at her dorm, I noticed a small barber shop just off the main drag.  I needed a haircut and I was tired of my same old routine.  A change of pace and an adventure would be fun.  Feeling bold and exhilarated, I pulled over and headed toward the entrance.  Then I opened the door.   Crickets. 

It was an all-African American barber team with all African American clients.  Not a pair of scissors in sight.  I was ready to branch out and try something new but this seemed a bridge too far.  I sheepishly looked around and slowly back out the door toward the comfort of my suburban Hair Cuttery.  But just as I was getting into my car, a man shouted after me.

“Hey, you need a haircut?”

Clearly, I did.  There was no trying to hide it or make excuses for why I left.

“Yes, sir.  But I’m not sure you have someone who can handle THIS type of hair!”

And there you have it.  A beat. Then uncontrollable laughter.

“Sure, man.  We got something for everyone here!”

He led me back inside and introduced me to the new owner of the shop, who had just emerged from her back office.  She beamed with enthusiasm and immediately sat me down in an empty chair.  It turns out, she is the Michelangelo of barbers!  It was a great experience for a great price with some really fun people.  In short, it was the perfect change of pace and adventure that I was seeking!

But it never would have been possible had that man not gone out of his way to make me feel comfortable.  I had the will and the desire to try something new but it wasn’t enough to carry me through the moment.  I needed help, encouragement, and empathy from someone else.  And I wonder how many of us have been on both sides of that same situation?

Change is Not Easy

It is easy to fall into our same old routines and embrace the comfort of our known world.  But every now and then, we have a splinter that we just can’t get out of our mind.  Something compels us to start fresh, seek an adventure or veer in a different direction.  Changing careers.  Starting a new company.  Moving to a different area.  Taking up a new hobby.  Leaving an old relationship.  Striking up a new conversation. If feels invigorating to contemplate this exciting new future.  We do our research and put together a plan of attack.  Or we boldly start down the path and throw all caution to the wind.  But inevitably we will hit a wall.

Change is hard.  It takes more than grit and internal resolve.  Sometimes, we simply can’t do it alone.  We need outside help.  We need a different perspective.   We need the support and encouragement of someone else to propel us over the wall.  Sometimes, we just need someone else to say the words we already know to be true.  A coach.  A mentor. A close friend, parent, or spouse.  Anyone who voices advice, concern or care in the moment.  These people push us forward when we want to retreat.  They give us the confidence to follow through with our bold plans.   And we simply couldn’t make it without them.

Helping Others Helps Ourselves

But as important as it is to cherish these people in our lives, we have to realize that it cuts both ways.  We need to give as good as we get.  Where can we lend a sympathetic ear or a helping hand?  Where can we show empathy and provide a light for someone else’s path?  How can we help others make their own dreams come true?  Everyone is going through some type of struggle or wrestling with some decision.  The slightest bit of outreach can have a huge impact on someone’s life.  No one gets to the summit alone.  And by providing that empathy and support to others, we help our own resilient climb as well.  Resilience is a team sport.

Without the help and encouragement of a stranger, I would have never gone back in to get a haircut.  And while the experience didn’t fundamentally change my life, it certainly made it a lot more interesting.  And it allowed me to build confidence and momentum toward larger goals in my life. Baby steps to the top!

Resilience is alive and well on Route 1 in College Park, Maryland.  Thank you, Universal Barber Shop.