struggling butterfly

If you scroll through enough motivational material (guilty!), you are bound to come across the story of the Struggling Butterfly.  As legend has it, a man walked out of his house one day and spied a huge cocoon in the bushes in his yard.  Day after day, the man watched the cocoon, hoping for some sign of life.  One morning, the cocoon finally started to move.  The man looked on with delight as the butterfly struggled to break free.  But after a long battle, the butterfly was still no closer to his goal.  The man desperately wanted to help and swooped in to the rescue.  With scissors in hand, the man cut open the cocoon and gently freed the butterfly into the sunlight of the beautiful morning.  But, much to the man’s dismay, the butterfly emerged shriveled and misshapen.  The wings were slightly deformed and the butterfly could only feebly crawl on the ground.  The man was concerned but remained optimistic.  Perhaps it took a few minutes for the butterfly to shake off the claustrophobic conditions of the cocoon?  Unfortunately, the butterfly would never regain its form and fly.  While the man had good intentions, taking matters into his own hands and setting the butterfly free was the worst thing he could have done.  The very act of struggling against the cocoon walls pumped the blood and life into the butterfly’s wings.  The greater the struggle, the stronger and more beautiful the wings would become.  Without fighting that battle, the butterfly could never reach its potential.  The butterfly actually NEEDED that struggle in order to take flight.

The Struggling Butterfly serves as a cautionary tale for the resilient worker.  Good managers want to make sure their team succeeds.  Inevitably, a member of the team will struggle with a sale, a concept, a particular case or a trade .  As well-intentioned managers and teachers, it is very tempting to step in and solve the problem ourselves.  After all, we have been in the trenches and know how to get things done.  We can turn things around and get things back on track.  We can save the day by stepping in and having our team member step aside.  But what about the struggling team member?  How will he or she grow?  How will he or she take flight in the future?  As managers and teachers, our job is to offer advice, offer encouragement, and make ourselves available to solve any problem.  But we cannot do someone else’s job for them.  We cannot take out the scissors and cut open the cocoon.  It is never comfortable to see someone struggling.  But with enough positive motivation and guidance, that team member with solve his or her own problem.  That team member will learn how to be independent.  That team will sprout wings and grow by overcoming any obstacle in the path.

As parents, we face the same dilemma.  There is nothing more painful than watching our children struggle.  But we must fight the temptation to constantly step in and “fix” the situation.  Sometimes, we need to let them battle through their own difficulties.  They need to learn that adversity will only make them stronger.  They need to learn that their parents can’t solve every problem.  They need to learn that, at some point, the movie doesn’t always have a happy ending.  They may get cut from a sports team.  They may get left off the party list.  They may fall out of favor with a coach or a teacher.  We can offer a sympathetic ear and offer encouragement.  But we cannot live their lives for them.  Struggle builds character.  Struggle builds confidence. Struggle builds resilience!    We can play an active role in their lives without overstepping our boundaries.  Eventually, they will overcome the obstacle on their own terms and take flight.  And that will be glorious.  As long as they are fighting their own battle, the struggle will be worth it in the end.

Rise to the challenges that life presents you.  You can’t develop genuine character and ability by sidestepping adversity and struggle.–Vikas Runwal

The Struggling Butterfly would have eventually broken through the cocoon without any help.  It may have taken some time.  It may have been painful.  But his life would have been so much more fulfilling and meaningful had he been able to fight the battle on his own.  It is not an easy lesson.  We all have good intentions.  But sometimes you must let your teammates struggle and grow.  You must let your students struggle and grow.  You must let your co-workers struggle and grow.  You must let your children struggle and grow.  There are so many ways to help without actually taking out that pair of scissors.  Do not worry.  The Struggling Butterfly will always soar in the end.

Until next week, keep smiling!