Questions.  They are central to our human existence.  They uncover deep knowledge and can lead to glorious enlightenment.  At the very least, they separate us from the apes.

Good questions can reveal the truth about our relationships.  They can help pinpoint the genuine needs in a sales situation. And they can provide the strength and motivation we crave to overcome any obstacle in our lives.

Questions live at the center of our culture and even our pop culture.  In fact, some of the most iconic lines in cinematic history come in the form of classic questions:

“You talkin’ to me?”

“Shall we play a game?”

“Who you gonna call?”

“You want the truth?”

“Is it safe?”

“Who invented liquid soap and why?”  (Anyone?)

(Free copy of my next book, assuming it ever gets published,  if you can “get” all six movie references!)

But seriously, our ability to ask the right questions can elevate us above our competition and deliver personal fulfillment and happiness.  While people may say there are no dumb questions (I personally don’t subscribe to that theory), there are certainly “right” questions and “wrong” questions.

And if we are going to live a positive and resilient life, we need to stop asking the wrong questions.

Questions Should Enlighten, Not Eclipse

When we start a new job or enter into a new situation, it is important to ask as many questions as possible.  We need to gather information, understand the landscape, and soak up a whole new silo of information.  There is no shame in admitting we don’t have all the answers.  How else will we learn?

But we must refrain from asking the types of questions that ultimately lead us down a dark tunnel:

Will I ever feel comfortable?

Why am I the only one who struggles with this?

How am I ever going to belong?

These are not questions that seek knowledge and move our life forward.  These are not questions that expand our horizons and pique our intellect.  Desperate questions are always the wrong questions!

The Right Questions Carve the Right Path

In a sales situation, we need to ask ourselves how we can help the customer.  How can we solve their problems?  How can we meet their needs?  We don’t need to ask how we can benefit.  We don’t need to ask what is in it for us.  It’s not about us!

When starting a new relationship, we need to ask open-ended questions.  We need to intently listen to the answers.  We need to learn as much about this new person as possible.  We don’t need to ask questions that take advantage of the situation.  We don’t need to ask questions that lead to manipulation.

Questions with positive intent lead to positive outcomes.  Questions with negative intent lead to shallow, selfish outcomes.  It’s time to focus on the right questions!

The art and science of asking questions is the source of all knowledge. –Thomas Berger

Shift from “Why Me? to “What Next?”

The ability to ask the right question is even more critical when we suffer a setback.  If we want to stay resilient, we cannot ask : “Why Me?”   “Why Me?” gives us permission to play the victim.  It takes away from our focus.  It does not help us rise above our difficulties. “Why me?” is the single strongest antidote to resilience.

Instead, we need to ask “What Next?”  This question is full of positive action.  “What Next?” gives us hope for the future.  It allows us to focus on the eventual victory rather than the past defeat.  It acknowledges our difficult situation but gives us a concrete goal to move forward.  “What Next?” embodies the heart of resiliency!

The Power of Questions Cuts Both Ways

Questions are an incredibly powerful tool that can help us unlock knowledge and wisdom.  The right questions provide the positive answers that can guide, inspire and motivate us to push beyond our perceived limits.

But the wrong questions can have then opposite effect.  The wrong questions can lead to self-focus and short-term gain.  The wrong questions can cloud our optimism and lead to inaction and desperation.  The wrong questions can stifle our resiliency.

Take a moment and examine the questions going on inside your head.  If they are self-centered and self-defeating, they are most likely stifling your incredible potential.  You need to stop asking the wrong questions!

You are far too talented and respected to focus on the negative!

What is your next great accomplishment on your way to a positive, resilient life?

Now that is a question worth asking!

You talkin’ to me?  Absolutely!

Until next week, keep smiling!